father you weren't there to catch me

Dear father,
Why aren't you here?
Was it from fear?
Tell me,
Tell me please mommy who was he?
Was he a glorious man?
A generous man?
Was he kind hearted?
Did he love me?

You weren't there to catch me when I was falling,
You could never carry the load I’m hauling,
Going through life not knowing,
Who you are,
Or if you care,
Why did you make me it you weren't gunna take me?
Was it a dare?

I am here standing in the sandbox,
The little girls' mums and dads pick them up and take them home,
I see my mom but where's my dad,
Nothing would make me more glad,
Than to look upon his face.

You weren't there to catch me when I was falling,
You could never carry the load I’m hauling,
Going through life not knowing,
Who you are,
Or if you care,
Why did you make me it you weren't gunna take me?
Was it a dare?

Why you’re not here remains a mystery,
Why weren't you in my life history,
I want to look upon your face,
To call you a disgrace who gave me life,
This is a path I must walk alone,
My father is a name ,
His face is unknown,
By me,
Too young to close my eyes and see his face now,
I have forgotten.

You weren't there to catch me when I was falling,
You could never carry the load I’m hauling,
Going through life not knowing,
Who you are,
Or if you care,
Why did you make me it you weren't gunna take me?
Was it a dare?

Well someone explain to me why you’re not here?
I've dealt with fear,
Alone,
All I was for Christmas is my father,
But should I bother?
You weren't there to guild me,
It seems as though you despise me,
Have you forgotten,
Or just given up on me?
Not a card,
Nor a visit,
Your my father?
I call bullshit.

You weren't there to catch me when I was falling,
You could never carry the load I’m hauling,
Going through life not knowing,
Who you are,
Or if you care,
Why did you make me it you weren't gunna take me?
Was it a dare?

© Becky Baillargeon 2010